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Planning Ahead

Written by Joshua Heckathorn

February 7 2017

Trustworthy

Planning Ahead

Want Total Peace of Mind? Get Alien Abduction Insurance

Written by

Joshua Heckathorn

At its very core, life insurance is about providing humans with peace of mind. Each of us wants to go to sleep at night knowing our loved ones are well protected from financial ruin.

So we work hard each day, we save and invest for the future, and some of us even buy life insurance to make sure we’ve got all our bases covered. But what happens when a bunch of Heptapods visit in the night and whisk you away to be studied in one of their 1500-foot-high monolithic alien spaceships? Hey, it could happen!

Like the character Louise Banks in the 2016 Sci-Fi film Arrival, you may actually benefit from learning a new language which rewires your brain and allows you to experience a non-linear perception of time. That would be pretty sweet. But don’t count on your family benefitting from your term life insurance policy while you’re away. It’s basically impossible to collect on the life insurance of a missing person snatched by aliens.

So what’s a responsible person to do?

Peace of Mind for Just $9.95

There’s a lot of strange insurance policies for sale out there, but alien abduction insurance has to take the cake. You can literally purchase $10 million in alien abduction insurance right now for a single lifetime premium of just $9.95? No questions asked. Yes, it’s for real, yet very much a spectacular gag gift too.

Since 1987, The Saint Lawrence Agency in Florida has been graciously selling through The UFO Abduction & Casualty Insurance Company what it calls “the perfect policy for anyone who thinks they have everything covered.” Here’s how this alien abduction insurance works:

  1. You get $10 million in coverage for a mere $9.95.  If you want the gold embossed policy mailed with same day shipping, it’ll cost you $19.95. Why not splurge a little, right?
  2. The benefit doubles to $20 million if the aliens require conjugal visits, refer to you as a food source or “the other white meat”, or produce any offspring referred to as “the missing link”. It’s clear these folks over at The Saint Lawrence Agency have a great sense of humor.
  3. In the event you’re abducted by aliens and returned again to earth, you’ll need to provide proof of abduction (alien signature) with your claim form. Then, once the claim is approved, you can look forward to receiving a $1 check each year until your passing or for 10 million years, whichever comes first. Therein lies the catch.

Don’t Leave Earth Without It

In all seriousness, this policy is a pretty amazing gag gift for the person who seems to have everything. The $1 per year benefit clearly isn’t going to save anyone from financial ruin in the event of alien abduction, but the beautiful gold embossed certificate could bring years of laughter to a friend or family member for a small price.

And while you may choose to pass on buying such a ridiculous coverage for yourself, our hope is this causes you to at least pause and think about another type of insurance you may truly need to have in place – term life insurance. Do you have dependents who rely on your income? Do you have a mortgage or other large debts but minimal savings? And do you worry about protecting your family from financial ruin in the event something were to happen to you?

If so, then you need term life insurance. Be financially smart, and don’t leave Earth without it! And if you want to blow $9.95 on alien abduction insurance too, rest assured you won’t be the first or the last to do so.

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